New Normal....New Traditions

"I am thinking about you this Christmas.  I know it is going to be a difficult time for you."  I have heard many such comments over the last few weeks.  I am so blessed to have people in my life who love me dearly.  I know that they mean it with all their heart, and they want to share my pain.  However, I am really doing okay.

Early on, a dear friend who had been through a similar journey explained the concept of a "new normal" to me.  Basically, nothing will ever be the same.  As soon as you can accept that and start establishing a new normal in your life, the better off you will be.  I fought that for months.  I loved my old normal.  I can remember that I would sit in front of the computer and just look at old pictures of our family that no longer existed. The last thing on earth that I wanted was a new normal.  As long as I fought that, I could not move on.  It was like I was stuck in quicksand.  I wasn't dying.  I had a rope tied around me, and it was safely secured to a tree.  But I could not go anywhere.  Going backwards wasn't an option because that life was no more.  Going forward wasn't an option, because I could not let go of the past.

I don't know how it happened, but one day I broke free from that land of limbo.  I think if I could sum up how I pulled out, it would be three simple things:  faith, family, and friends.  Simple, yet profound.  First of all, I have my faith.  I have a Bible full of promises that He gave to me.  Then I have family and friends that grabbed hold of that rope and pulled with all their might.  Finally, when I got to the edge of the pool of sand, I had to walk out.  I had to make a conscious decision to put the past behind and move forward in this new life full of new normals.  It did not happen overnight.  It took months.  And, of course, God continues to work and mold me every single day to fit into this new life.  But I am no longer stuck.  I am moving forward.

So what does that mean this Christmas Season?  With my new normal, there will be new traditions.  Some of the traditions are the same, just with a little twist.  Christmas Eve will come for me and the girls on December 20.  They will get their "Christmas Pajamas" that they have gotten every Christmas Eve since they were born.  But then on December 21, I will kiss them goodbye as they leave for their grandparents.  I will not see them again until Christmas night.  Do not be sad for me.  I am okay.  I am actually looking forward to some time alone.  I am surrounded by people and teenagers almost every day of my life.  So my new normal before Christmas is going to include quiet time for me.  That is a good thing.  I have so many friends.  If I get lonely, I can always go spend time with some of them.

I will go to my family in Alabama on Christmas afternoon.  The quiet will be over at that point.  The girls will come storming in to my parents' house along with my other six nieces and nephews ranging, in age from twelve to twenty-four.  It will be loud.  We will play games.  We will sing.  We will celebrate.  We will enjoy one another.

Christmas morning will be very different, as I will not be with my wonderful and amazing girls.  They are very concerned about me, but I have finally assured them that I am okay.  Last night I was at a Christmas party.  We had so much fun.  I wore an elf costume to the party.  The girls couldn't believe it.  Lily looked at me and said, "You know, normal people would wear Christmasy sweaters and jeans to a Christmas party."  But this is my "new normal," and if I want to dress like an elf for the party, well then, I am going to dress like an elf!  The party was a success.  We laughed and enjoyed each others company immensely.  My friend's husband looked at me at one point and said, "It seems like you are really content with Amy these days."  I think that sums it up.  I am content, and I am beginning to enjoy this new normal that life has brought my way.  It surely isn't where I wanted to be, but it is where I am.  So I am going to hang on and enjoy this ride and live life to the fullest every minute of every day.  And, yes, sometimes living life to the fullest means slowing down and enjoying some quiet time.

It is fitting that as I finish this blog, I am at my friends' home, the Shirers. Christmas carols are playing in the house as I watch Lily and Mrs. Leigh make cookies. It is much different from Christmases past when I was running from one party to another.  Actually, I like this better.  Enjoying quiet nights with good friends is the way Christmas should be celebrated. Yes, this new normal is a good thing.

Isaiah 43:17-19
This is what the Lord says:

Forget what happened in the past,
and do not dwell on events from long ago.
I am going to do something new.
It is already happening. Don’t you recognize it?
I will clear a way in the desert.
I will make rivers on dry land.