That was then and this is now!

January 19, 2010, I started on a journey that was not of my choosing. "I don't love you the way that you love me." How can ten simple words forever alter the course of one's life? I can remember everything about that moment. I was sitting on my bed and asked him if there was anything wrong. After a long silence, I heard those dreadful words. From that moment on, my life was never to be the same.

Five weeks and four counseling sessions later, I was told that the marriage was over. I thought that I would never recover from the devastating storm that blew up ever so quickly in my life. The first six months of 2010 just seem like a blur. The blur was colored with heartbreak, sickness, emptiness, loneliness, and fear. My world was collapsing on me, and the weight of it was nearly suffocating. I loved my ex-husband with everything that was within me. There was not one part of me that wanted the divorce. My heart was shattered, and I was sure it would never be restored again. Yet these were the cards I was dealt, and I had to play them.

That was then, and this is now. As I sit here tonight, I am content. God, my family, and my wonderful friends have seen me through the dark valley. My granny used to tease us when we were little. If we cried, she would hold out her hands and say, "Make me a cry pie." I made a five-course "cry" meal several times. Now I have no tears left for him. God has released me. I will always care about my ex-husband as the father of my children, but it ends there.

My fellow math teacher and good friend, Benji, says this: Just because you don't find gold at the end of the rainbow doesn't mean there is no such thing as gold.

I found the end of my rainbow last March. I fought to get there, but there was no pot of gold. I stood there thinking my life was over. I was stranded in the middle of a desolate forest. It was cold and dark.  I was at the end of the rainbow and there was absolutely nothing there. But God spoke to my heart.

I still have gold for you, my child. It is not just a pot of gold. It is an abundance. You will not find it at the end of this rainbow, but if you will take my hand, I will lead you to it. The journey will not be as easy as following a rainbow to its end. There will be times when it will be dark and frightening, but remember that I am with you. I will always be with you. However, know that with Me, it is not going to be a pot of gold that we are looking for.  You see, I will give you the gold all throughout the journey.  My supply is endless.  You will always have exactly what you need.  And one day, when you leave this earth, you will find the pot of gold that you have been so desperately searching for, and it will be greater than anything you could have ever imagined in your limited earthly mind.  On this earth no eye has ever seen and no ear has ever heard of the greatness that I have prepared for you on that glorious day."

So I took His hand.  There have been times when the road has been dark and scary.  However, there have also been moments where the views have taken my breathe away.  But here is one truth that I have found.  He has met my every need, be it emotional, physical, or financial.  He has held to His promise and been by my side every day.  There have been days when, out of fear, I have wandered away.  The journey wasn't going in the direction that I felt it needed to go.  So I decided to try a little side road.  That didn't work out too well for me.  But He was right there when I went running back to Him. I may be a slow learner, but I am learning.  Sometimes His thoughts are not my thoughts, but in those moments I have to trust Him.  My thoughts will only lead me to a dead end.  I turn around and run back to Him, but look at the time that I wasted on the journey in search of my own pot of gold.

January 2010 was then, and January 2011 is now.  I made it through my year from hell.  I learned many lessons last year!  But the greatest lesson of all is this.  I am not in control of my future.  I cannot plan it out like a summertime road trip.  But there is One who does know my future.

So, I will take His hand and let Him lead.  Sometimes, we will follow a rainbow.  Other times, we may go down the dark path.  One thing is certain.  He will guide me where I need to go.