A Stop at the Carousel

Last weekend I felt as if I were on the Carousel. Up and down, around and around, but getting nowhere, always ending up right back where I started. There was so much I wanted and needed to get done, but it just didn't happen. Sunday night came all too quickly. Time to begin a new week and I felt like I was starting out behind.  Will I ever get back to the organized, together woman that I used to be?  Will my house ever look like it once did?

I guess I am just feeling a bit melancholic. Last night I began reading Elizabeth Edwards' book, Resilience.  You may not agree with the political views that she held, but you cannot deny the fact that the woman faced adversity in her life.  She quoted someone who once told her, "The road map that we hold in our hands for our lives does not always contort to the road we are actually traveling."

Most days I have a pretty good handle on this new road that I am traveling.   But there are other days when I cling to the old map and get lost looking for the roads that no longer exist.  Thank heavens those days are not frequent.  But I would be lying to myself and everyone else if I said they never come.  Those are the days that seem to land me on the Carousel.

Don't misunderstand me.  I think that it is perfectly acceptable to take a little break from life and go for a relaxing ride.  None of us can ever have it all together all the time.  Becoming a single mother has taught me one thing.  I am vincible.  I am capable of being defeated.  At those times when I feel most vulnerable, picking out my favorite horse and taking a spin while daydreams of better days fill my mind can be a welcome relief.  However, I can't linger.  There are bills to be paid, clothes to be washed, and students to be taught.

Today is Monday.  I hopped off the Carousel this morning and had a good day at work.  I even came home and did a few household chores.   I am trying to convince myself to go for a run, but the Carousel is beckoning me to come.  At this point I am not sure what will win out.

There is one thing I do know.  God will give me the strength to do the things that I need to do.  And when the times come that I have to rest, He will help me fill in all the essential blanks to take care of the necessary tasks.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (New Living Translation)

Each time He said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.