Last week, Anna went to the "old house" with me. I had been working in the back. The house was almost empty, with just a few odds and ends sitting here and there, remnants from my life before divorce. Pictures were the hardest to deal with. No one tells you what you should do with wedding moments. Additionally, there were souvenirs from family vacations, sweet memories that have now become bittersweet.
I was caught up in deep contemplation over the fate of these items, when I walked into the family room to find Anna sitting in a folding chair where our sofa once sat. Phone in hand, in mid text, she looked up at me. She knew what I was wondering. Looking at me with a half smile, she said, "I'm just sitting where I used to sit." She looked around the room and then decided that the chair should be forward about six inches. "There! This is the exact spot where I would have sat if the couch were still here." For a few moments, she needed to remember, as did I.
I went back to work, sorting and questioning all the items from our past. Here was the difficulty. You must divorce yourself from the past. You have to move forward. At the same time, for the sake of your children, you must marry some elements from your past into your future so that they do not lose the sense of who they were for all those years. So, I pack the wedding pictures and the souvenirs. I do not want them, but I need to save them for the girls.
I realized in that moment, the Ferris Wheel is not temporarily closed. It has been disassembled and is no longer a part of the Fair. It was sad at first, and still is at times. But, my friends and family of old joined me. They held my hand and walked me through the fair, reminding me of things about myself that I had forgotten. Friends of new met me at the Zipper. They encouraged me to find new rides and experience them to the fullest. Then the circus Ringmaster stepped out. He said, "I have so much to show you. You will know fullness of life, like you never dreamed was possible. But, first, my child, you have to walk away from the lonely spot where the Ferris Wheel once sat."
One week later, I walked out of the house. I do not plan to go back there again. I closed the garage door and can now finally close the book. The epilogue was written, tying up loose ends. I heard it hinted of a sequel. I am certain it will be more fulfilling than the first. How is that possible? Because I am not dwelling on the past. I am stepping into the circus with the Ringmaster and anxiously awaiting all that He has planned for me.
Isaiah 43:18-19
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.” (NIV)
Don’t be afraid to keep moving on,
For what was before, now has gone,
God wants to accomplish so much more,
But we need to move forward in the Lord.
© By M.S. Lowndes, Based on Isaiah 43:18-19
