It's Getting Crazy in Babylon

It is 2 a.m. and I am sleeping soundly, that is, until my little 10 pound shih tzu, Lulu, alerts me that something is awry in the household.  For 15 minutes, she continues to do that low growl, trying to ward off any unwelcome visitors.  It bothered me a little, but I sternly told her to "shut up" and let me sleep.  (I do hope it is not abusive to tell a dog to shut up!)  She quiets down for a moment and then suddenly jumps from the bed and bounds down the stairs.  Obviously, she encounters the entity that has been causing her stress.  She starts barking insanely, which she ONLY does when someone is coming into our home.  Now, I am concerned.

I do what any selfless mother would do.  I quickly dart to Lily's room and told her to get up because Lulu was going crazy.  It took me a few minutes to wake her up, as she was in a deep sleep!  We creep back out to the top of the stairs.

By now, Anna is up.  We are all three huddled closely together.  My friend's daughter, Cari, is living with us for a time.  We decided to let her continue to sleep.  There was enough chaos with the three of us.  We are trying to decide what to do.  Lily and I vote for staying at the top of the stairs.  If someone comes up the stairs, we can knock them down very easily.  That plan did not work for Anna.  She begins to creep down the stairs.  Just about that time, I get a middle of the night text message from a friend who works the night shift. I wish that someone could answer one question for me.  Why is it that the decibel levels increase 1000 percent when you are in a hushed state of suspense?  It just about gave us all heart attack and sent Anna bounding back up the stairs.

We sit for a few more minutes at the top and finally out of sheer exasperation, Anna says she is going down, with or without us.  She leads the way.  The 10 foot walk down the entrance to the den and kitchen area seemed like it must have taken 20 minutes. I don't think any of us breathed during that time.  We made it to the den and there sits Lulu.  She is perched on the couch, as if to say, "What took you guys so long to join my party?"

Who knows what she saw or sensed.  It could have been a squirrel or possibly or neighbor coming in from a late night.  But, after a 30 minute ordeal, we could finally go back to bed and try to get a few more hours sleep.

When I laid in bed, I got mad at first.  This just isn't the way it is supposed to be.  I am supposed to have a protector by my side to see to all the bumps in the night.  Dang it....this just isn't fair.  But, you know friends, I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes, "It is what it is, but it will become what I make it."  I could have woken up today and griped and vented about how unfair life is or I could wake up and have a great laugh with the girls about what a crazy night we had.   I have shared before what my dear friend told me, "There is one letters difference in BITTER and BETTER."  So, I chose better over bitter and joy over anger and we had a good laugh.

We have come a very long way in this land of divorce.  Sure isn't where I wanted to be, but it is where I am.  Babylon can be scary at times, but thank goodness we have One who looks over us and helps us to overcome all the unfamiliar cultures of this foreign land.

Don’t sin by letting anger control you.

    Think about it overnight and remain silent. 

Offer sacrifices in the right spirit,

    and trust the Lord.

Many people say, “Who will show us better times?”

    Let your face smile on us, Lord.

You have given me greater joy

    than those who have abundant harvests of grain and new wine.

In peace I will lie down and sleep,

    for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.  Psalm 4:6-8

You Can Find Me in Babylon!

My youngest daughter, Anna, loves for me to tell her the "endings" of things.  Whether it be a book or movie, she is desperate to know how the plot ends. She still goes on to read the book or watch the movie, but she is much more content knowing how things are going to turn out.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a very popular verse right now. "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."  You see the verse displayed on t-shirts, bracelets and various other places.  I love these words and cling to them as well, but if you look at the verse in the full context, you will see that it is the "end of the story."

In this particular passage, the Israelites had been exiled to Babylon.  They were captives in a foreign land where they did not belong.  God sends a message to them through the prophet Jeremiah.  I know it is lengthy, but please take a moment to read.


This is what the LORD of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says to all the captives he has exiled to Babylon from Jerusalem:  “Build homes, and plan to stay. Plant gardens, and eat the food they produce.  Marry and have children. Then find spouses for them so that you may have many grandchildren. Multiply! Do not dwindle away!  And work for the peace and prosperity of the city where I sent you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, for its welfare will determine your welfare.”


This is what the LORD of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says: “Do not let your prophets and fortune-tellers who are with you in the land of Babylon trick you. Do not listen to their dreams,  because they are telling you lies in my name. I have not sent them,” says the LORD.


This is what the LORD says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again."

Now comes the verse that we are all so familiar with:


"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

But, let us not forget the footnote that is so often left out when this verse is quoted:

"In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.  I will be found by you,” says the LORD. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”


In a nutshell, God is telling them to live their lives.  It is not their home, but it is where they are for now.  They should work hard in the city and help it be all that it can be. At the same time, they are warned to be wise and not be let astray.

When I read this in the wee hours of the morning today, I realized something.  I am in my very own Babylon. I was exiled there two years ago when I signed papers and entered the unfamiliar land of divorce.  It is NOT my home and not where I want to be.  But, for now it is where I am.

I much prefer my Jerusalem.  I am not made for single life.  I was much more content with a partner that I came home to at the end of the each day and shared my life with.  So, honestly, I just want to jump to the part where God is going to give me the hope and future and take me back home.  Can't I just skip chapters 1-15 of my current book and go straight to the ending?  Well, my friends, it is not often that I feel God speaking something ever so clearly to my heart, but this morning at 2:00 a.m., it rang out loud in clear in my thoughts.  Right now, I am in Babylon and I need to do the things that God has called me to do while I am stuck here.  I am not too happy about it, but I learned long ago that my life goes so much smoother when I follow his plan and not my own.

So, what will I do?  I will live my life in this land of divorce. I will use this time to help others that God puts in my path. I will work to make this a land of peace and prosperity and I will find my way through all the chapters until He brings me to the end of the exile.  How do I live here and hopefully one day get to the end of my exile?  That is found in the often forgotten footnote!  I pray and I seek Him wholeheartedly.

Sometimes, when Anna presses me for an ending, I say, "I am not going to tell you, but trust me it is going to be great.  You just need to read the book and see for yourself."  God is telling me the same thing.  He is not letting me in on the details of the ending, but He has assured that it is going to be great!  So, for now, if you need to find me, look me up in Babylon.  That is where I will be hanging out for the time being!

Dear God,

Can I just add one little request?  Please don't make me wait 70 years.  I will be 114 by then.  I don't think that is asking too much!

The Ferris Wheel Is Closed

The bank accepted the contract on our house.  Last night, I removed my final things.  It was emotional.  I knew it would be.  Yet, it was one more hurdle to be crossed.

Last week, Anna went to the "old house" with me.  I had been working in the back.  The house was almost empty, with just a few odds and ends sitting here and there, remnants from my life before divorce.  Pictures were the hardest to deal with.  No one tells you what you should do with wedding moments.  Additionally, there were souvenirs from family vacations, sweet memories that have now become bittersweet.  

I was caught up in deep contemplation over the fate of these items, when I walked into the family room to find Anna sitting in a folding chair where our sofa once sat.    Phone in hand, in mid text, she looked up at me.  She knew what I was wondering.  Looking at me with a half smile, she said, "I'm just sitting where I used to sit."  She looked around the room and then decided that the chair should be forward about six inches.  "There! This is the exact spot where I would have sat  if the couch were still here."  For a few moments, she needed to remember, as did I.

I went back to work, sorting and questioning all the items from our past.  Here was the difficulty.  You must divorce yourself from the past.  You have to move forward.  At the same time, for the sake of your children, you must marry some elements from your past into your future so that they do not lose the sense of who they were for all those years.  So, I pack the wedding pictures and the souvenirs.  I do not want them, but I need to save them for the girls.  

I realized in that moment, the Ferris Wheel is not temporarily closed. It has been disassembled and is no longer a part of the Fair.  It was sad at first, and still is at times.  But, my friends and family of old joined me.  They held my hand and walked me through the fair, reminding me of things about myself that I had forgotten.  Friends of new met me at the Zipper.  They encouraged me to find new rides and experience them to the fullest.  Then the circus Ringmaster stepped out.  He said, "I have so much to show you.  You will know fullness of life, like you never dreamed was possible.  But, first, my child, you have to walk away from the lonely spot where the Ferris Wheel once sat."

One week later, I walked out of the house.  I do not plan to go back there again.   I closed the garage door and can now finally close the book.  The epilogue was written, tying up loose ends.  I heard  it hinted of a sequel.   I am certain it will be more fulfilling than the first.  How is that possible?  Because I am not dwelling on the past.  I am stepping into the circus with the Ringmaster and anxiously awaiting all that He has planned for me.

Isaiah 43:18-19
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.” (NIV)

Don’t be afraid to keep moving on,
For what was before, now has gone,
God wants to accomplish so much more,
But we need to move forward in the Lord.
© By M.S. Lowndes, Based on Isaiah 43:18-19

Step Right Up....You gotta see this one, folks!

Tonight, our fair featured a sideshow.  Yes, I am certain many would have paid to see this debacle.

I had a wonderful dinner last night with two good friends.  I arrived home to a jug of syrup sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor.  I thought it was odd, but I was not surprised.  I have raised two wonderful girls, but when it comes to them keeping things neat and orderly around the home, I have failed miserably.  Having accepted that fact, I shrugged and made a note to self to put the syrup away in the cabinet once I emptied my arms and checked on the girls.

I stopped at Lily's room first.  With big wide eyes, she said, "Mom.  The scariest thing happened tonight.  There was a huge spider in the kitchen,"  as she holds her hands forming a circle the size of a softball.  "AND, it was one of those jumping spiders.  Every time I got close, it would jump at me."  She goes on to tell me that our precious little Shihtzu wanted to eat it. With no remorse at all she says, "And, I was going to let her eat it, but then it started jumping at her and she got scared and ran away."  With a great sense of accomplishment, she squared her shoulders and said, "I got it though.  I took the bottle of syrup from the pantry and squished it."  I just sighed deeply.

I decided at that point to check on Anna who was suspiciously missing.  She was not in any part of the house and had not answered when I called out to her on several occasions.  I knew what was in store for me.  She was hiding and waiting patiently to jump out and scare me.  I insist that every time she startles me, I am certain that she takes at least two weeks off my life span.  Yet, she continues to take great pleasure in giving me a fright.  As I peeped around various corners, I prepared myself.  I knew it was coming, so I would not be taken by surprise.  Here is the thing about Anna.  While she is one of the most impatient people that God has ever put on the face of this earth, when it comes to startling her mother, she has the patience of ten Jobs!  She waited it out for about ten minutes until I had finally dropped my guard and accepted the fact that a fright was forthcoming.  I walked into my bedroom and she jumped out from behind my door.  I projected a bloodcurdling scream that was loud enough to alert all the neighbors as I had mild heart attack.

When I prepared the morning coffee, I noticed the syrup bottle on the kitchen floor.  I picked it up and there was the tiny corpse of the ferocious, jumping spider.  It was about half the size of a dime.  As I chuckled at the mental image of Lily and Lulu fighting the beast, I felt a sense of satisfaction in my soul.  I thought to myself that we have truly survived the storm and built a new life.  There is very little that is normal and ordinary about this life, but I love every quirky minute of it.

Psalm 30:5 says that weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. It was a very dark night for us, but thanks be to God and many amazing people in my life, our morning has come.

All Hope Is NOT Lost!

Last night, one of my student's facebook status read, "I don't want to be here anymore."  I had an idea what he was dealing with.  It was probably a breakup.  As adults, we look at such relationships as trivial and flighty.  However, to the broken hearted teen, it is anything but trivial.  Momentarily, he has lost all hope.

How does Webster define hope?  Hope is a desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.  It is a wonderful thing to have hope for a given situation.  The situation may be grave.  Doctors say there is a 90% mortality rate.  Yet, the deep seated hope within us says that there is still a chance of survival.  The chance may be small, but hope clings to that chance and believes that it will happen.

What are we to do when we realize that the expectation will not become a reality.  The alternate reality stares us in the face, taunting us, "Why did you even dare to hope?"  At that moment, we are tempted to lose all hope.  Look at all the wasted energy that went into hoping.  Now what?...  Now, my friend, you cling to the whisper of a thought that you will not always feel the despair that you are currently experiencing.

I drive thirty minutes out into the country to teach. The first year I taught, I would get to work very early. Every morning, I would pass by Alexis as she was standing at the end of her road waiting for the school bus. We didn't even know each other's name, but that was our first connection.

Since then, I have had the privilege to teach her.  We had our good days that year, when we laughed and learned much. However, life also dealt us both some bad days. During those times, it just wasn't much fun. She and I have a special saying that we shared on such days: Tomorrow will be a better day!

It is a simple a statement of hope. In the moment, for whatever reason, you feel as though a black hole has opened up and swallowed you into the chaos of darkness and nothingness.  You have no reason to believe that you will ever feel better again.  But, you make a conscious choice to believe that you will not stay stuck in the quagmire. It usually starts out as a state of mind. There may not be one shred of evidence that life will get better. In actuality, it seems to only have the possibility to get worse.

A good friend gave me a wonderful illustration. She said, imagine that you are in a dark tunnel. You look down that seemingly endless darkness and see nothing. Then you look again. There it is! At the very end is one small ray of light squeezing its way through the keyhole that will eventually be your escape from the darkness. It is then that you can say, "Yes, tomorrow will be a better day."

Life can take many things away from you, but there is one thing that noone or nothing can ever steal from you:  Hope.  I believe Martin Luther King, Jr said it best, "We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."

Psalm 71:14 (New International Version, ©2010)

14 As for me, I will always have hope;

I will praise you more and more.

I loved them all.

As I was working on a sewing project last week, I placed a small bowl on the table beside the machine.  When I cut excess thread, I would drop the pieces into the bowl.  A couple of hours into the project, there was a small mound of thread.  I looked at it and smiled.  It was Mrs. Mattie Lou that taught me that trick many years ago.  I was a young mother and she was a member of our church.  When it came to sewing, she was more than a seamstress.  She was an artist. 

I loved being a pastor's wife and truly felt as though God had placed me right where I was supposed to be.   When my marriage ended, that role ended as well.  Initially, I struggled greatly with that.  I truly enjoyed the opportunity to have so many wonderful people as a part of my life.  The wealth of knowledge that I have gained from so many of those wise parishoners has greatly shaped me into the person that I am today. 



My dear Elizabeth

 Before there was extreme couponing, it was Elizabeth who taught me how to shop the sale papers.  She was the one who taught me that $0.79/lb was a really good price for chicken.  I still think of her when I bake her squash casserole or chicken pot pie.  Often, I quote her when I ask someone to pray for something, "If the Lord reminds you, would you please pray for..."

I guess God saw that I was lacking in self discipline, so he brought Jan into my life when we pastored in Montgomery.  Every morning at 5:10, she was waiting by my driveway.  We were off for a brisk two mile walk.  This was no morning stroll, mind you!  It was a hustle.  She was a few years older and many years wiser than this young mother.  When I complained about a church member that I thought was being incredibly different to deal with, she would just smile and chuckle a little and say, "Amy, just be glad you are not them."  I have sure used that line many times in the years that followed.

In Slapout, He continued to bring more good friends into my life.  Karen taught me that you can let go of bitterness, even when you have been greatly wronged.  Alice taught me how to cook incredible fried rice and egg rolls.  Ms. Jo showed me how to cling to your faith even after losing your only child and husband within a few short months.  Whenever I am tempted to lose heart, I think of many of these dear friends and it gives me a little boost to carry on.

This list is by no means exhaustive.  There were so many others that added so much spice to the flavor of my life.  I am overwhelmed with gratitude when I think of all that I have gained.  Above all, I am thankful for the love and compassion that been poured out to me through the years. 

There is rarely a month that passes without Charles giving me a call.  He was an older member of the Baptist congregation in Slapout, but we called him one of our own.  When he calls, he always ends the conversation by saying, "You know God loves you and you know I do too."  I do know that he loves me and that has given me great comfort during some very difficult moments.

With just as much strength and certainty as God brought the call to be a the wife of a minister to me, he released me.  That was a wonderful part of my life, but I no longer miss being in that role.  He has moved me to different areas of minister and I never look back with longing, only gratitude.

Mrs. Mattie Lou taught me just about everything I know about sewing.  I would proudly take my completed projects to her.  The first thing she would do was turn them inside out.  She always said that they should look as good on the inside as they did on the outside.  Even though she was holding a small smocked dress in her hands, she was teaching me about life.  At times, each and every one of us are going to have our lives turned inside out for the world to see.  I learned from Mrs. Mattie Lou, that I should live my life in such a way, that when those times comes, the world will see ragged and torn edges that have been beautiful finished by the hand of the Master Tailor.

Dear God, will there be No-See-Ums in heaven?

I can hardly focus on writing this blog, because my legs have been eaten alive by No-See-Ums. My gracious neighbor came over to get my pool pump working and the Family Ceratopogonidae spotted dinner! I have these nice, meaty legs. When I was 13, my grandmother said, "You got fat legs just like ya PaPaw had. But, they'll be purty when yur older. You won't have those bad veins." Can I tell you that the last thing that a 13 year old needs to hear is that she has fat legs, much less that they look like her grandfather's. Now that I am older, I can appreciate my fat legs, but so can the obnoxious No-See-Ums. They see me coming and I swear they call their friends to join them at this "all you can eat" buffet.

I decided to read up on these creatures. They are tiny biting flies. You don't feel the bite initially, but within a matter of moments, they begin to itch. By the time you realize that you have become dinner, it is too late. They have already feasted and you are a scratching maniac.

They usually reside around water. They often live in shrubs or you may find them in a thick layer of dead leaves. Well, I didn't realize that I am such a gracious hostess to these pesky little insects. I have a pool, so I provide them with ample water. And, lately, I have been dumping the leaves from the filter by the pool pump rather than putting them in the trash. What a relaxing little habitat I have created for them!

The article goes on to tell how to avoid them. Don't scrub your feet around in leaves. You will stir them up. While they are very difficult to see individually, sometimes you can see them swarming. In this case, shut your mouth. You might swallow or breath some in. They won't hurt you, but they might make you cough. And, frankly, who wants to think of swallowing a few hundred No-See-Ums. Also, if you see a them swarming, walk away, as they tend to locate in one general area. More extensively, you can keep your grass cut and take the dead leaves to the trash! However, the best way to avoid the insect bites is to spray on insect repellent. Don't worry, the article says that you only have to use it fall, spring and summer. Just think of the aroma of the repellent as the latest Eau de Parfum on the market. And at $6.99 for a 20 ounce can, you get a really good deal!

There are other No-See-Ums in our lives. We all have them. They are people or situations that we get in the middle of that end up causing rashes of anger, hurt feelings, discontent, etc. We can apply the same methods that we do with the real insects. First of all, keep our mouth shut. So much can be avoided if we just learn when to be quiet. Next, there are times, that we need to just walk away. We see a situation that is leading to no good, so the best thing we can do is remove ourselves. Additionally, we can check out the habitat we are creating in our lives. Are we taking the debris out to the trash or do we keep it in our heart allowing it to decay and become an inviting home for the flies of bitterness? Finally, we must remember that as Christians, we have the greatest repellent available. In John 14, Jesus promised us a helper. "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you."

I want to leave with one final thought. I have to say tonight, "God, forgive me for the times that I have been the biting insect. The one who caused pain and irritation to another." We all have worn that shoe at one time or another. I pray that God would keep me ever mindful to the way that my actions affect others.  May the Advocate who is with me, gently nudge me when I head in a direction that could cause pain.  If I do not acknowledge, may He grip me so tightly that I would feel His imprints on my heart and be able to see the pain I could cause others through His eyes.